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Non-achiever
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snoffles

Today: work then going to see my friend R who has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl! Now three whole days old and absolutely gorgeous in the pics.

Bizarre article in yesterday's Sunday Times about what women "should achieve" by certain ages.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article5838579.ece

Let's see how I do.

By 25:

- Achieved party notoriety/a groovy look — like Alice Dellal

No idea who Alice Dellal is. I have probably achieved party notoriety in a bad way ie by embarrassing myself. But I don't think I have ever been near a groovy look.
 
- Travelling stripes (outside Europe)

Er - well it's true to say I have travelled outside of Europe, although not in the traditional backpack/youth hostel way. Not overly bothered to be honest: controversially, I actually have a better time when I don't have to wear the same T shirt for nineteen weeks and heave 50 kilos of stuff around on my back and catch scabies from hostel bunk beds. But maybe one day I'll give it a go.

- A tattoo or nonregulation piercing

Neither. I did have an illicit third stud in my left ear for about a month when I was a teenager but it didn't last long (or look good).
 
- Have talked to a genuine celebrity

Never! *sob*. This is actually something I would like to do. But I'm saving it for someone really special e.g. Madonna, the Pope, Roger Federer.

- Have DJed, gone out with a DJ or sung backing vocals

I have gone out partying with my friend who is a DJ, does that count? He fits in a full-time banking job around his various glamorous DJ gigs.

- Had at least one serious boyfriend

Yes yes yes.

- Worked as a waitress/in a bar

Yes. It was shit.

- Proficiency in an instrument or sport

Does Minesweeper count as a sport...?

- Discovered your best feature

Nope. Maybe it is my loud inappropriate laugh :flirt:

- Got serious about photography

No no no. I leave that to other people then nick their facebook pics.

WHAT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SAY: “You’ve done an incredible amount for your age”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH. No one has ever said this about me unless you replace "done" with "shopped".

So here's what I'm supposed to achieve by mid-thirties.

- Been head-hunted for a new job

I live in hope. This has sort of happened to me a couple of times but I've never ended up taking the new job. Better the devil you know etc etc.

- Been taken to lunch by your boss

Yes but we're talking Pret a Manger rather than Petrus.

- Been on a business trip abroad

Done.

- Lived abroad

Done.

- Bought your own flat

Pas encore.

- Been bought jewellery by a man

Done. :golddigga:

- Socialised outside your age group

Eh?!?!? Of course! Surely everyone has done this. Pffft. All my colleagues are in their forties so it'd be hard not to.

- Hatched a plan for your own business

Yes. A vast, beautiful notebook emporium.

- Successfully negotiated a pay rise

Yes but it wasn't really a negotiation. More a whinge.

- Discovered your signature style

Why on earth does anyone need a "signature style"? Like that awful woman in the Devil Wears Prada who gets through squillions of white Hermes scarves. Fine, my signature style is going to be my gold trainers, which I am wearing right now.

- Discovered the importance of women

WTF?!?! Yes, let's just shoehorn that one in between "signature style" and "shoe collection".

- Established a shoe collection

Surely every single person in the world who owns more than one pair of shoes has, by definition, a collection of shoes. I may establish a collection of gold trainers. 

WHAT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SAY: “You could do anything you set your mind to”

Frankly someone saying that to me is not going to change much - I am already pretty determined, and cliched advice like this is only valuable when it comes from someone a lot older who has actually achieved their own life goals.

You may have noticed I started to get pretty irritated with these supposed "achievements".

HERE IS WHAT I AM GOING TO TRY AND ACHIEVE IN THE NEXT DECADE.

Fall in love.
Have a family.
Be healthy.
Be happy.
Be a good person.
Learn to scuba dive.

Pfft. stupid article. Pfffffffffffffft.

I am looking forward to meeting R's baby so much. She is going to be a wicked mum. Now that is a real achievement.


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